


For All Time

by saucyminx



Category: Supernatural RPF
Genre: Alternate Universe, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2010-12-04
Updated: 2010-12-04
Packaged: 2017-10-28 05:15:38
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 9,920
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/304150
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/saucyminx/pseuds/saucyminx
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>When Jensen was younger he made a promise to his grandfather to wait for the right man. Jared just happens to be the right man.</p>
            </blockquote>





	For All Time

Jared's fingers reached the back of Jensen's neck about the same moment that his trailer door shut behind them. Jensen glanced up at Jared's eyes and it was like their gaze was kind of locked for a long moment and Jared felt like he shouldn't be moving closer but he was.

Jensen's eyes were the most amazing kind of green; Jared loved it when they were filming outside in the late day's sunlight and the glow from the rays would reflect in that green and bring out the jeweled colour. Now, _so_ close to Jensen he could see that colour perfectly.

Jensen didn't step back.

Jared curled his fingers tighter around the back of Jensen's neck and held him there so he could lean down and brush his lips against the other man's. Soft and full, Jensen's lips parted with a small, surprised puff of air as their mouths slid together and Jared loosened his grip in case this was all in his mind.

Kissing Jared, that wasn’t exactly what he’d thought, was going to happen in the trailer but god he was okay with it. Jared’s lips were so warm and smooth and the way he held him close, kept him there, it made Jensen feel more important than he’d ever felt before. It was always like that with Jared, the man had this way of making him feel like the most amazing person alive and Jensen was starting to think that this was it.

Maybe he had finally found his one, and well, that was both exhilarating and terrifying at the same time. Especially considering the circumstances of his situation. _God_ , he couldn’t imagine having this conversation with Jared. His fingers curled in Jared’s shirt and he pushed back slightly, breaking free to suck in a full breath. “Jared,” he murmured, not stepping away, staring up at his best friend with wide eyes.

"I'm sorry," Jared whispered. "No, I'm not sorry. I mean, I just wanted to kiss you and I know we’re best friends and it’s not what... I don’t know what I’m saying. I wanted to kiss you.” Letting out a small relieved sigh, Jared smiled. “Say something.”

“I’m glad you kissed me.” Jensen laughed and flattened his hand on Jared’s chest. “And you shouldn’t be sorry. It’s a good thing.” His eyes fluttered down to his hand, looking at the ring there and sighing. “I’ve kind of been hoping, you know, the way you look at me sometimes. I was hoping it was more than your crazy ass flirting.”

Jared’s eyebrows lifted slightly. “Crazy ass flirting? I don’t flirt.” But his hand was creeping over Jensen’s where it had settled on his chest and he could feel his heart beating about a million miles an hour. “Can you feel that? I was terrified.” It wasn’t every day Jared kissed his best friend, kissed his best friend who was a man. A man who Jared admired and made him laugh, cared about him, supported him and made him triangle pancakes when he missed his family.

“You flirt with everyone Jared.” Jensen pointed out and laughed softly, rubbing over Jared’s heart slowly. “I thought I was making it pretty obvious you know, that I like you. A lot.” Jensen bit his lip and stepped back, looking over at the trailer door. “Anyone could walk in, though. And, well, it might be a little of a well-known fact that I like guys but I don’t think you want everyone to know that yet.” There were a thousand other glaring issues in mind - or really one _big_ one - but Jensen wasn’t acknowledging it at the moment.

“Is that - are you worried about that? Me not being _out_?” Jared hadn’t really managed to figure out _what_ he was yet but he knew that his feelings for Jensen went far beyond friendship. It was all he could do some days to keep from touching the man. In fact, a lot of days he failed miserably at that. There was rather a lot of photographic proof that Jared couldn’t keep his hands off his co-star.

“No, hey, come on Jared, there’s no rush to come out. You’re probably just figuring all that out and I’m not gonna rush you to come out.” Jensen smiled softly at him then grabbed his hand, dragging him over to the couch and tugging him down so they sat side by side. “This is all really new, for me and you I mean. And, I like you, a whole lot. More than a lot. But we’re also best friends, co-stars, hell, we’re roommates Jared. So we just, we have to go slow right? Because it’s gotta stay good between us or everything else will be thrown off.” It was good enough logic for Jensen.

Just like always, Jensen was the one thinking things through and Jared was the one leaping before he looked. “It doesn’t have to hurt our friendship. My Nan says that all good marriages are based on great friendships.” Flushing with surprise Jared blinked up at Jensen. “I didn’t mean we’re getting married but...” Sighing, his lips became a thin line and he folded his arms across his chest. “We could forget I kissed you?”

“What?” Jensen frowned, looking up at Jared. “That’s not at all what I was saying. Jared, I-” Jensen sighed and folded his hands on his lap, twisting the ring around his finger. “I just suggested we take it slow, not take it all back. I thought maybe we’d um, go on some dates, you know. I thought...” Jensen laughed weakly and looked away. “Or uh, were you thinking just like, fooling around? Like friends with benefits?” Jensen blinked down at his hands, no, that wouldn’t work.

"Friends with _benefits_?" Jared's eyes widened and he sat back a little. "Benefits," he echoed mostly because he was trying to get his mind wrapped around what Jensen was saying. "Are you still hung up on Christian? I mean. If you still have feelings for him that's okay. I can respect that."

“What?” Jensen flushed, eyes snapping up to Jared. God, Christian, he’d thought they’d stopped talking about that. As far as he knew, they had long since stopped rehashing all the little details. Especially since Jensen would never tell Jared the real reason they broke up. “Dude, no. I _told_ you that I broke up with him and I was never in love with him so just.” Jensen rubbed along the back of his neck, lips pursing. “How do I know you’re not just interested in using me to get over Sandy hmm?”

“That’s kind of cruel, Jensen.” But there’s just wasn’t much conviction in Jared’s voice. “Sandy was different. I loved Sandy; I never denied that - she just - she wanted different things. But that was a long time ago. You saying that what I feel for you doesn’t matter until a certain amount of time has passed?” This really wasn’t going how Jared had hoped; not that he’d put much thought into it beyond _I really want to kiss Jensen_.

“It’s just what you accused me of Jared.” Jensen shifted back on the couch then pushed up to his feet, stepping away. “God. All I wanted was to suggest we go on dates and not rush into things and you’re saying I’m still hung up on Christian and just. I should go. Sorry for, whatever.” He waved to Jared and told himself it was for the best anyway because once Jared found out the whole truth he’d probably laugh and run away, in some variation of order.

"Jensen, please don't go," Jared said softly. "Slow as molasses in January if you want. Perfect Texas gentleman. Just don't go away mad?" Sighing Jared sank back on the couch, legs sprawled out in front of him. Definitely hadn't gone like he'd hoped.

“But I’m not mad.” Jensen turned to him, small smile on his lips. “How did this get so turned around? I thought we were going okay. Kissing was good. I liked that.” He stepped toward Jared once more then stepped back. “One step at a time with us yeah?”

“You know me; I’m kind of all over the place. You get me all mixed up sometimes, like my emotions get all twisted around.” Smiling crookedly, Jared looked up at Jensen then held out his hand. “C’mere.”

Jensen watched Jared’s free hand drop to his lap, almost patting, and heat stained along the back of his neck. Sitting on Jared’s lap? No, he couldn’t possible handle sitting there. So he took Jared’s hand and sat beside him instead, leaning in to gently kiss him. “Must be true love.” He murmured and laughed softly.

“‘Cause I’m mixed up?” Jared let out a small laugh and brushed his hair back off his face. Turning onto his hip he leaned closer to Jensen and smiled up at him. “So... in this slow thing. What does that mean? I can kiss you.” He watched as Jensen nodded and before the man could say anything, Jared slipped his cool fingers under the hem of Jensen’s shirt. “Can I do this?”

Jensen’s heart slammed hard into his chest and he looked down, staring at Jared’s fingers moving on his shirt. “I uh, well...” Jensen couldn’t seem the harm in letting Jared touch his shirt or something. He had stopped things dozens and dozens of times with guys before, he could with Jared too. “I’d say on set, I mean, do we _really_ want someone walking in on us? God, I can’t imagine living that down.”

“No one ever walks into our trailers, Jensen. They always knock.” His fingers dipped under the hem to brush over the heat of Jensen’s skin. It was kind of like cool water was trickling down Jared’s spine and searing into him. Rolling his bottom lip under his teeth he watched the blood creep up into Jensen’s cheeks.

“W-we have to be on set.” Jensen whispered, his breath coming far too quickly. Jared was going to know, it was going to be obvious on his face and this would be over before Jensen even had a chance to enjoy it. He needed a distraction. Or well, Jared needed a distraction. “Jared.” He whispered and leaned forward, pressing his lips hard against Jared’s. Maybe if he kissed him hard enough then he’d forget about more.

It was kind of like the world fell out from under Jared. His lashes hit his cheeks pretty quickly because he couldn't focus anyway. Jensen was suddenly _there_ lips smashing against his and Jared's heart damn nearly crawled up his throat. It was too hard and a little urgent and Jared slid his hand further up under his friend's shirt and moaned.

Alright, in retrospect that was a bad decision. Now Jared had more excuse to touch him and he was kind of pulling Jensen close, holding him there, fingers burning along his skin and driving him crazy. It would be so _easy_ to give in with Jared. Right here, he could let Jared touch him, take him, claim him completely but god they were in his trailer, on set. It wasn’t exactly the romantic idea Jensen had been building up to in his mind. Which didn’t explain why he was moaning and pushing further into the kiss but he couldn’t help it.

Jared's booted feet scuffed at the carpet as he struggle to push up into Jensen's body. Rolling closer he pressed Jensen back against the arm of the couch and slid his mouth along his friend's jaw. When he reached the gentle curl of flesh at Jensen's ear he hummed softly. "You're so amazing, feels like coming home."

“Oh Jesus,” Jensen gasped and arched against Jared before he could stop himself. This was like some maddening sort of torture. Jared’s body was so big and it covered him, pushed him down into the couch and Jensen could hardly breathe he was so turned on. “Jare- w-wait. Please.” He clutched at Jared’s shoulder, pushing back and letting go. It wasn’t supposed to go like this.

“It’s okay, no one’s coming,” Jared mumbled. He slid his hand out from under Jensen’s shirt and curled his long fingers over the man’s hip, shifting Jensen further down on the couch. Heat was flooding him, making him wonder why the hell they had waited so long to do this, touch like this.

“N-no, not like- Jared.” Jensen gasped and shoved hard, clambering out from under Jared and falling hard to the floor. He was nearly humming with pleasure and he wanted so much more but the ring on his finger was thick and heavy and a constant reminder. A promise was a promise. “It’s not you. Honest. It’s- I’m sorry. We’ll talk later. Okay.” He smiled weakly at Jared and turned, fleeing out of the trailer and nearly collapsing down the stairs as he shoved the door open and took off at a near run across the lot.

Groaning, Jared rolled over on the couch and shoved both his hands into his hair. “Jesus _Christ_.” Yeah, really, quite far from what he wanted to happen.

-=-=-=-

Nerves had kept Jensen from speaking up to Jared before. Their shoot was late and they were so exhausted when they got home they just crashed. Jensen woke up with Jared in his bed but they were just sleeping, it was normal. Kind of.

Then they’d had another full day of filming, a late night, Jared once more in his bed, another day of filming, late night, Jared in his bed and Jensen couldn’t ignore it anymore. He woke up on Tuesday morning and they didn’t have filming and there was Jared, wearing only boxers and half draped over him. Jensen had been wise and he’d worn his sweats but he was still missing a shirt and god, this was getting bad.

“Jared.” Jensen whispered, shaking Jared’s shoulder. They had the day off, it was almost eleven, but Jared seemed completely content to sleep until sunset. “Hey, Jared, wake up.” Jensen shifted forward, out from under his arm, curling onto his side.

Jared woke up to the warmth he’d been holding moving _away_. “Comeback,” he mumbled. Flopping his arm back over Jensen’s waist he shimmied closer across the bed and huffed softly. “S’too early.” He adored Jensen, but he _really_ hated getting up in the morning.

“It’s eleven Jared.” Jensen laughed softly, shaking his head. He wanted to pull out of Jared’s arms but he wasn’t strong enough - not literally, Jared wasn’t holding him that tight but figuratively, yes. “This is becoming your thing you know.” He murmured and leaned back against Jared’s chest, purposefully keeping his hips forward. “Sneaking into my bed once I’ve fallen asleep. Pretty sure there’s a law against that.

Jared smiled and pressed his lips to the back of Jensen's shoulder. "You could just _invite_ me here then - so I don't have to sneak around like a ninja all the time."

“Are you a vampire?” Jensen muttered then blinked, tilting back to look at Jared. “Shut up, don’t make fun of me. You aren’t wearing much.” Jensen pointed out, realizing a moment later that the words could easily be taken the wrong way.

Jared gathered his arms tighter around Jensen and breathed slowly against his friend's neck. "Jensen? If I had my way we'd both be wearing a lot less." Nudging his knees in behind Jensen's he murmured, "What's with the sweat pants?"

“I get cold.” Jensen muttered though honestly, Jared was like a walking sauna. And well, those knees curving against his body, that hot breath, and Jensen’s body was responding in ways that betrayed his internal thoughts. “Thought it was too early.” Jensen whispered when he felt the quite obvious hard press of Jared’s cock against his ass. No. Good.

"Not too early for everything." Jared's hands flattened against Jensen's chest and bumped their way down over his muscles, his ribs. "You feel so good," he whispered. Hooking one long leg over both of Jensen's he breathed his way down the back of his friend's neck until he could kiss his way out to his shoulder. The silky smooth feel of Jensen's skin made Jared smiled, he loved touching him. Ever since the first kiss they'd shared he'd been trying to come up with excuses to touch Jensen. Sneaking into his bed at night seemed to be the path of least resistance.

“Jared,” Jensen whispered and it was supposed to come out as a protest but it sounded more like a moan. Jensen’s body was betraying him in the worst way and Jensen squirmed, twisting under Jared’s touch. This only had him flat on his back while Jared was draped over him and that was a lot worse. “We- today we have off?” He muttered, trying to get Jared’s mind elsewhere.

"Mmmhmm." Jared slid further over Jensen and ran his palm the rest of the way down his friend's body. Jensen's face was gorgeous in the morning, _hell_ , all of him was gorgeous all of the time. But, in the mornings, Jared loved that his hair was all messed up, his cheeks were ruddy and his eyes were a little softer.

And, the way his body felt under Jared's hands was more than enough to keep him completely preoccupied. "You feel so good, Jen." His lips formed the words against Jensen's nipple and Jared bit down on it gently.

“Oh god.” Jensen gasped and his body twitched up. No one had ever done that before. Jesus, no one had ever done any of this stuff because Jensen had never lived with the person he was interested in. “Jared.” Jensen pushed at the top of his head, thought it was probably seeing as Jensen pushing him lower, especially since his cock was pressing persistently against Jared’s body over his.

Moaning softly Jared slid to the side slightly and ran his hand straight down over the growing bulge in Jensen's sweats. _God_ , hard and warm even through the material and Jared moaned louder as his fingers curled tighter.

“Wait-wait no.” Jensen slid to the side, falling off the edge of the bed and crashing hard down onto his ass. He pushed up before Jared could move, ignoring the ache in his ass and spinning on his heels. “Sorry. I’m sorry Jared. It’s -believe me, it’s not you okay? I just have to go.” Jensen stepped back, running a hand once over his sore ass before turning and rushing out of the room. He slipped into the bathroom and slammed the door shut behind, locking it and collapsing to the floor. This was really not good.

Groaning, Jared rolled flat onto his back and ran a hand down his face. He had no idea what was going on with Jensen but he was determined that he was going to find out. If it wasn’t for the fact that Jensen had _said_ he was interested, kissed him back, the way he was so turned on - well, Jared would have trouble not taking it all very personally.

Rolling to the edge of the bed Jared dropped his feet to the floor and padded down the hallway. When he got to the closed bathroom door he let his forehead bang against it and stayed there, leaning. “Jen? Talk to me?”

“Jared,” Jensen groaned and slumped back against the door, tilting toward it but not moving from the ground. “It’s... just, better to stay slow. Come on, you don’t want to rush into our first time together right?” He twisted the ring on his finger and closed his eyes. It would be a miracle if he didn’t ruin things with Jared before they even got anywhere.

Jared sighed and kind of slid down the door to sit on the floor. "I know you don't want to rush, I get that - but it feels a little like we're stuck in neutral. Jensen? Are you really okay with this?" Jared lifted his hand and pressed his palm flat against the door. It felt kind of weird speaking to a door but for Jensen he'd do pretty much anything. "I need you to know -that no matter what - you're not gonna lose me okay? I ... you're my best friend and having you in my life is the most important thing. Okay?"

Pushing up to his feet, Jensen quickly pulled open the door and let out a small laugh when Jared fell forward into his legs. “Jared,” he shook his head and knelt once more, grabbing the man’s hand. “I am so very okay with this. There’s just, things, you know? I just need us to go slow for a while. You’re so very important to me and I can’t risk it, risk losing you in any way. So we just take our time right? We’ve got a while. And this... it could be really good right? You and me?” Jensen shifted a little closer, slid his fingers up along Jared’s neck.

Jared nodded and frowned briefly. It wasn't that he didn't get the request, he did, he just got the distinct impression there was so much more to it. "Yeah, I think you and me will be real good. It _is_ real good already." Closing his eyes Jared leaned into the pressure of Jensen's fingers. "No more sneaking into your bed at night, I promise."

“You can do that.” Jensen laughed nervously, wetting his lips. “I just think we should wait for, the physical stuff. Kissing is okay. And I don’t mind if you lay in my bed with me, but... if we could just wait for sex.” He shrugged and thanked _god_ that Jared and Christian weren’t on talking terms because Christian would tell Jared the truth about this all and Jensen would die of embarrassment. “Is that okay? Really Jared?”

Nodding, Jared dropped his gaze. "Yeah, I ... I. Yeah, it's okay. I can wait forever for you. You're worth it." Frowning, Jared lifted his hand and squeezed Jensen's arm. "I kinda love you, you know." His heart fluttered a little and Jared closed his eyes.

“You do?” Jensen’s breath caught in his throat and he swept his thumb over the corner of Jared’s closed eye. “Like, you’re... in love with me?” Jensen’s heart skipped a beat at the thought and he slowly grinned, officially deciding sitting on the floor of the bathroom was the weirdest place for this type of declaration.

Jared looked up slowly and a sad smile moved on to his lips. "I think I started falling in love with you the day we met." He shrugged; it was a simple statement of fact. From the very first flash of Jensen's _real_ smile, the one that scrunched up the corners of his eyes and made his face so bright; Jared had been hooked.

“Yeah?” Jensen whispered and leaned forward, gently kissing Jared. It was odd, how he knew he felt the same, how he thought Jared really was _the one_ , and yet he was too scared to allow things to go further. Maybe that had something to do with the fact that he was twenty eight years old and a virgin. And... He was scared, which was stupid but he couldn’t help it. “Jared? I feel the same way.” He murmured so Jared would stop looking like he was waiting for the next bomb to drop. “God, you were so young and... I mean, so full of life. How could I not fall for you?”

"Yeah?" Jared's smiled warmed and he felt relief wash over him. "That's good then. We're good. It's good. You and me." Smiled pushing wider into a grin, Jared leaned forward and snatched Jensen into his arms. He might have clung to him a little too tightly, but Jensen didn't seem to mind when it came right down to it.

“Yeah Jared, we’re more than good.” Jensen laughed and wrapped his arms around Jared, lips pressing into his neck. For the first time in his life he felt like he could actually imagine having sex with someone, with Jared. But he still wanted to slowly build up to it because he knew it was going to be more than he’d ever felt. “We’ll still take it slow though?” He whispered, fingers curling against Jared’s back.

"Slow," Jared echoed. His hands settled on Jensen's back and rubbed gently. "Everything else can wait, I just ... always talk to me, okay?" Closing his eyes, Jared rubbed his nose against Jensen's cheek then kissed him softly. Jensen was worth waiting a lifetime for.

“Always.” Jensen murmured and smiled softly. Okay, there were things he was keeping from Jared but he’d get to that, when the time was right.

-=-=-=-

The problem with going slow, Jensen realized, was eventually the other person wanted to speed it up. Especially since things between himself and Jared were progressing. They dated, as much as two guys who were filming almost eighteen hours a day could do. During their breaks, on the rare times they aligned, they went to movies and bars and out to dinner. It was basically exactly what they’d done before onto their legs would touch under the table or their knees would brush or their hands would link together in between the seats.

Jensen was undoubtedly in love and, judging from the way Jared smiled and gave him that _look_ , the man felt the same. And he was amazing, kissing Jensen softly and gently for hours but never pushing for more. Sometimes he would stay in Jensen’s bed but mostly he stayed in his own. Jensen figured he didn’t have a right to complain. He couldn’t ask Jared to stay in his bed then deny him any sort of action, it was ridiculous.

As more time progressed, Jensen realized that holding off was becoming an issue. Jared’s kisses were longer, deeper, he would push Jensen down on the couch and slant over him and Jensen would end up slipping free and running off, stuttering some sort of stupid explanation. Jensen completely believed that Jared would wait for him, that he wouldn’t reject him, but god he couldn’t get himself to cross that finally line.

It all exploded a couple of months into their _relationship_.

They were in Jensen’s room; Jared had followed him in because Jensen had wanted to show him some pictures his mom had sent. They’d sat on the edge of the mattress while Jensen flicked through his photos on his laptop and then Jared’s hand had settled on his thigh. It was alright, Jensen didn’t even tense, and he finished showing off the pictures.

Then he closed the laptop and turned to smile at Jared, leaning into the warmth of his body, and suddenly Jared had him pinned down on the bed like he couldn’t even begin to handle the idea of waiting any longer. All the air whooshed out of Jensen’s lungs and his hands planted on Jared’s shoulders. “Jared, please.” He whispered, knowing that, sadly, Jared would know that as the sign to stop and not some plea for more.

Jared pushed up on his hands and stared down at Jensen. All the gentle touches, the sweetness of Jensen’s smile and the way he melted into Jared arms - it was all driving his completely insane. Pressing his eyes closed for a moment Jared rolled away and lay on his back beside Jensen, arms folded across his chest. “I’m sorry - I should - I think I’m gonna go out for a while.” His mind was spinning. “Or somethin’,” he added softly. Like maybe go jump in the ocean to stop thinking about the way Jensen’s lips felt against his.

“Hey, don’t go.” Jensen grabbed Jared’s arm, worry pulling a frown on his face. “I just... Jared.” Jensen sighed shakily and he knew his time was running thin. He was going to need to tell Jared sooner rather than later or he was going to lose him all together. “Please, stay.”

Turning his head slowly Jared looked across at Jensen. "Can you tell me what's going on? I know that you want to - it's obvious. We've known each other a long time though, and I don't think I've ever given you any reason to be scared of me. Is it me? Do you not trust me?" He rolled onto his side and pressed his hand over Jensen's heart. "I love you, Jensen Ackles. And - I mean, if I need to change something to prove that to you - or get you to trust me, I would- I would change anything. I just... it's hard." Jared looked down, a little surprise by the sting of tears in his eyes. "I feel like I need to get closer to you - and you're holding me away," he said in an almost whisper.

“God Jared.” Jensen whispered, guilt tightening in his chest. No, he didn’t really need that feeling on top of everything else. “It’s...” Jensen reached out, grasping Jared’s hands and squeezing tightly. “My grandpa gave me this ring.” He said quietly, looking down at his hands and sighing, teeth scraping over his lip. “It’s, like, he... we made a promise. I was young and I didn’t realize what it would mean but he died shortly after and I could never bring myself to give up on it. And, just, the point.” Jensen looked up, watching confusion crossing Jared’s face. “God this is embarrassing. Jared, I’m a virgin.” Jensen mumbled, peering down at his lap.

“And how does that not make you even more amazing?” Jared smiled slightly and traced his finger over the ring. Jensen looked about as embarrassed by his admission as Jared had ever seen him. Lifting his hand up to Jensen’s forehead, Jared smoothed his hair back off his face. “What was the promise?”

“I promised I would wait until I met the right one.” Jensen sighed and swept his gaze everywhere but Jared’s face. “And, the thing is, you _are_ the right one. I know it. But now I’m...” Jensen’s shoulders slumped and he groaned, rolling over to bury his nose in the pillows. “I’m scared.” He mumbled into the cotton.

The last thing Jared wanted was for Jensen to be scared. Laughing softly, he moved over so he tugged Jensen forcibly across his chest and wrapped him in his arms. His smiled widened when Jensen immediately buried his face in Jensen's neck. "I think that's pretty amazing," he murmured into Jensen's hair. "The thing is though - there are lots of steps you know? You think maybe we could move forward a little. I don't expect this to happen instantly, Jensen but we gotta go forward if, you know, we're gonna be together our whole lives." Jared knew he was babbling but he felt like there were so many things he wanted to say. "I mean, I wanna spend my whole life with you and not have separate bedrooms and go to parties together, have our photos in the paper and-"

“Whoa, hey. Jared.” Jensen finally pulled back, looking up at his boyfriend with wide eyes. “That’s, you’re talking about a lot there. I think we should start with you coming out to your family before we start getting out photos in the paper.” He laughed weakly and laid his palm on Jared’s cheek, tentative smile on his face. “So, you don’t think it’s stupid? That I’m a virgin? Everyone I’ve told... well, usually I get laughed at.”

"I don't think it's stupid at all. In fact, I think you're amazing. Anyone who would laugh at you for _that_ is an idiot." Jared took a deep breath and smiled. "And you know, that you trust me enough to tell me, makes me feel pretty... good." He ducked his head down and smiled.

“Of course I trust you enough. God Jared, you’re like my world. Or whatever ridiculously romantic thing you want me to say.” Jensen laughed and leaned forward, bumping his head against Jared’s. “I want to have sex with you. I really do, a lot. I’m just a little, you know.” Jensen shrugged, hoping Jared could put together all the conflicting emotions he was dealing with.

“You know, Jensen, there are lots of steps to this. It’s not like we have to launch into the big stuff. I just, I like touching you and watching your face when you _feel_ things. There’s nothing to be afraid of - and I’m pretty sure that it’s not breaking your promise to _touch_.” Jared’s fingers curled into his friend’s shirt and he gazed into Jensen’s eyes. “I’m sure your Grandpa and you had the same thing in mind when you promised. But maybe - it’s a leap of faith.” Jared smiled and ran his thumb over Jensen’s bottom lip.

“Well it’s not breaking my...” Jensen sighed and looked away. “Look, can we just, what if. Jared.” Jensen grabbed his wrists, pushing back slightly because his touch was too distracting. “Let’s get married.” He blurted before he could really think about what he was saying, and then laughed nervously. “Okay, that came out badly. I want... I just want this to be forever okay? If I sleep with you, I just want it to be you. That was the point of the promise, that I wouldn’t- and I just want to get married. Okay?”

Jared's mouth opened and closed a few times as he tried to process what Jensen was asking. "No, Jensen. I won't marry you right now." When his friend looked a little shocked Jared shifted closer and smiled. "That piece of paper doesn't keep people together, you know. Do I want to marry you one day? Yeah. Absolutely. I want the whole she-bang. I want a big house for our families to come and stay in when they visit at Christmas, and I want room for kids... kids we'll take to Texas in the summer so they can grow up just like we did. But will I say yes to that right now? No, Jensen, I won't. I'm not going anywhere. But this is enough... you gotta let go a little."

“Okay.” Jensen nodded and scooted back, dropping his hands to his lap. “I’m sorry, that was a stupid idea. I mean, just blurting it out like that. It’s just, man. When I was sixteen I almost slept with this guy, Nick... I don’t even remember his last name. Anyway, we were at this party, we drank too much, and I came so close... then I told him no, I stopped him and you know what he did when I told him why?” Jensen laughed softly and shook his head. “He told everyone, I got branded with all these nicknames and it was ridiculous. So then it became less about being excited to find the one so I could finally have sex and more about hiding it and just, it’s a big deal to me. It’s really important.”

“He was a stupid kid, Jensen. And he obviously didn’t deserve something so special. Someone like you.” Jared reached out for Jensen’s hand and threaded their fingers together. He rolled the ring around Jensen’s finger and smiled. “I’m in this for the long haul. I just think it’s okay to move forward. Maybe you gotta let us meet in the middle?”

Sighing softly, Jensen nodded, trying to shake off the fear and worry he had. “Can we make a compromise?” He asked through a whisper, blinking a few times down at the place Jared’s hand touched his ring. “Maybe... we wait to go all the way, until we’re married? Could you do that for me? We can do other stuff; you can teach me whatever, but just the big final thing, we wait?”

Laughing softly, Jared nodded. "Yeah, Jensen. We can wait for the _final big thing_. That is perfectly okay and _you_ are the most amazingly, crazy, hot, nutty guy I've ever met - have I told you that lately?" Lifting his friend's hand Jared pressed his lips to the back of his hand.

“You’ve mentioned it.” Jensen laughed softly and looked at Jared. He took a moment, settling his mind on the idea of taking the next step. It was a little reassuring, to know they were going to wait for the last thing, and it brought a new sort of confidence and desire to Jensen’s thoughts. In one quick lunge he dove forward, lips crashing hard into Jared’s as he clambered across his lap.

If Jared could actually speak, he probably would have put voice to the shock that jolted through his mind. Suddenly having a lap full of Jensen certainly wasn't unpleasant but it was kind of like someone had lit a fire in his belly. Fumbling for a few moments to get his breath back - Jared moaned into the urgency of Jensen's kiss.

Sliding one hand to the small of Jensen's back and one up into his short hair, Jared took control of the kiss. His fingers gripped and tugged on Jensen's hair slightly to pull him back from the kiss a little. Softening the slide of their lips, Jared ran his tongue along Jensen's bottom lip, teasing him and encouraging him.

A soft, needy moan fell from Jensen’s lips and he shifted closer, trying to press hard into the kiss again. Jared skillfully held him back though and Jensen laughed weakly, shaking his head. “Oh come on, now you’re going to stop us?” He smiled, a little nervous, and let his hand run down Jared’s chest. He hesitated at the waistline, swallowing a few times, before his fingers moved down and just briefly ghosted over his crotch, the heat seeping into his fingers.

Shivering with pleasure, Jared moaned quietly. " _God_ , you're gonna be the death of me, I know it." Smiling, Jared dragged his tongue along Jensen's bottom lip then kissed him softly as his hands slid under the man's shirt. Pushing the material up slowly he felt the heat and silky smooth of Jensen's back and the way the man's body arched into the gentle touch. "Not stopping us, slowing us," Jared murmured against Jensen's mouth.

Another soft moan as Jared pulled his shirt off and Jensen’s eyes closed, falling back into the kiss. “I’m probably gonna be bad you know.” He spoke against Jared’s lips then slid to the side, moving over his neck. “Never even watched porn, cause I tried, it drove me crazy.” Jensen laughed weakly and pulled back, smiling nervously at Jared. “What if I’m bad?”

“You’re not bad, Jensen, _Jesus_.” Letting out a small groan, Jared gripped Jensen’s hips _hard_ and slid him flush to his body. He had to close his eyes when the man’s crotch was pressed hard against his. His lips moved over Jensen’s ear, tongue flicking in between his words; “you feel that? You feel how hard you make me? That’s because you’re perfect, perfect and hot and sexy and a million other things.”

“God,” Jensen whispered, arching his body forward to try and get more of the heat and friction. It wasn’t near enough, not now that Jensen knew he was going to be feeling more. “Will you touch me?” He murmured, arms wrapping around Jared’s body and holding tight. He loved the way that Jared made him feel, so much heat and want, and his body moved forward restlessly.

“If that’s what you want,” Jared whispered. Rolling them to the side he pushed Jensen down onto his back and smiled down at him before dropping to kiss his way along the man’s jaw, down his neck until he could latch onto the tender skin and draw the blood to the surface.

Jensen’s body bowed up off the bed and Jared slid his hand down over the man’s abs to flick his button loose and draw the zipper down on his jeans ... _so_ slowly it was as though he could hear each click of the teeth losing their hold.

“Jared,” Jensen whined, slightly ashamed by the needy level to his voice as he arched up into his boyfriend’s hand. “You- you’re driving me insane.” He bit down hard on his lip and reached out, curling his fingers slowly into Jared’s hair. He loved the feel of Jared against his body, the slight lingering ache from the kiss Jared had sucked along his neck. He was so hard it was painful and even with Jared releasing the constricting pressure it was almost unbearable, because Jared’s hand was right _there_ and he could feel the heat from it even though the soft cotton of his briefs.

"You're fine," Jared murmured. Kissing his way back up Jensen's neck he slipped his hand into the V of denim and pressed his palm down along the heat of Jensen's swollen flesh. Even through the soft cotton he could feel the heat and throb of Jensen's arousal. So used to Jensen leaping away, Jared slowed his breathing and pulled back to watch the man’s face. Jensen cheeks were flushed and his teeth had pinned his bottom lip.

“Please.” Jensen murmured, staring up at Jared and blinking a few times to try and clear the dark lust from his vision. “I’ve never felt...” His hips rocked up into Jared’s hand, seeking more of that pressure, the heat. His hands fluttered up once more to curve along Jared’s neck, body lifting so his lips could brush over Jared’s.

Jared's body was tingling with anticipation and desire; his heart racing. Pushing down into the kiss, he thrust his tongue into the heat of Jensen's mouth as his fingers slipped under the man's boxers. Jensen's shaft was hard and smooth and felt like it might burn right through his palm, and Jared moaned. As his fingers curled around Jensen's cock they both moaned, Jensen's body tightened, arched up and he gasped in a breath of air. "Feel good?" Jared's voice was soft, lips moving along Jensen's.

“God yes.” Jensen whispered and closed his eyes, pressing into Jared’s chest, hands sliding up under the man’s shirt. “Can we-” he gasped as Jared’s thumb slid over the head of his cock, causing his body to rock up. “Naked.” He finally managed to get out and pushing at Jared’s shirt. He just wanted to feel the man’s body, the heat of his skin, and lose himself in every inch of him. Preferably before Jared’s hand stroked him to completion like it was already threatening to do.

Jared shifted back a little and reluctantly pulled his hand back. Tugging his shirt off over his head he leaned back down against Jensen's chest. The heat of their flesh meeting was a little overwhelming and Jared slid his hands down Jensen's sides and pushed at his jeans. "Plenty of time," he said softly. Mouthing his way down Jensen's neck he shoved the material down until the man's cock was freed.

Jared hooked his leg over Jensen's and stroked his hand slowly from the head to the base of his boyfriend's arousal. The look on Jensen's face was amazing, all blissed out and a little desperate; it was like the moment he gave in to the idea he just surrendered completely. Sweeping his thumb over the head, Jared gathered a pearl of pre-come and swirled it around the ridged flesh.

He couldn't resist pushing his hips forward and pressing _hard_ against Jensen's hip. It felt so good, like fire sparking through his system and he nipped at Jensen's collar bone before shifting up quickly to take his mouth again.

“Jared,” Jensen mumbled into the kiss and shifted forward, pressing up into Jared’s hand and over into his hip, trying to give the man just as much pleasure as he was being given. The feel of Jared’s hand over his cock was maddening, the smooth warmth, bigger than his own hand, hotter. His body was in constant motion now, rocking up into Jared’s hand and pulling back, eyes closed as their kiss deepened and his hands slid over the man’s chest, curling around his neck to keep him there.

Jared could almost taste the _want_ in Jensen's kisses and he shifted over the man's body a little more. His hand was stroking steadily, finger flicking over the slit then teasingly brushing the sensitive flesh of Jensen's balls.

And Jensen.

 _Jesus Christ_ , Jared could watch him like this all night. Arching up into the touch, a wave of movement rippling down his body. His cock was swollen and red, weeping and the flush was leaking up along his chest like a stain of pleasure. Swallowing hard, Jared crushed their lips together, owning Jensen's mouth with his tongue. He tasted every surface, their tongues sliding together.

“Jared,” Jensen pulled back and gasped and it felt like the only thing he knew how to say. He hadn’t even realized that it could feel like this, so maddening, so _amazing_. “God, I want...” he wanted to feel everything, Jared’s touch, Jared’s mouth on him, hell, even Jared _in_ him. If they managed to wait until they were married it would be a miracle. As it was, he was amazed that he hadn’t come yet. “Jared.” He laughed weakly and rolled his hips up, tilting forward to their mouths rolled together once more. His hands pressed down, searching for more, fingers rubbing against Jared’s arousal through layers of clothing.

Letting out a sound that was more like a low growl than anything else Jared pulled back from the kiss slightly. “You want to touch me?” Jensen’s eyes were dark with lust, the green all but gone and his cheeks were ruddy under the smattering of freckles. “Don’t have to,” Jared breathed, “but it’s okay...if you want.” Slowing his hand on Jensen’s cock, he smiled down at the man, leaning it to press a soft kiss to the corner of his mouth.

“Of course I want to touch you.” Jensen exhaled sharply, trying to school back the slams of lust rolling through him. “Jared, I’ve always wanted too.” A smile flickered across his lips before he shifted to the side, shaking hands fumbling with the button and zipper on Jared’s jeans. He wanted to _see_ Jared, all of him, naked and exposed and sure to be absolutely perfect. When he finally got the zipper down his eyes fixed on the press of cotton, Jared’s arousal tenting the fabric and he once more rubbed slowly over the hardness, catching his lip under his teeth.

Jared's hand faltered and his breath caught in his chest. He'd spent so much time fantasizing about Jensen touching him like this, giving in a little and _fuck_ he'd hadn't been right at all about how mind blowing it all was. His hips moved forward immediately, pressing his swollen shaft against Jensen's hand. "Touch me," he whispered. He couldn't help it- it slipped out and then Jensen's mouth was right there, breath warm and sweet on Jared's lips and he was a bit dizzy with lust.

Shoving hard at Jared’s jeans, Jensen exhaled shakily and watched as the man wiggled out of his clothing. His cock was long and thick, swollen and curving up and Jensen wet his lips, imagining all the different things he’d learn to do with Jared. His eyes flickered up to Jared’s and he smiled softly for just a moment before his fingers wrapped around the flesh, squeezing softly and stroking up, trying to figure out how to do this on someone else. He’d gotten himself off plenty of times, he knew how to do that, but trying to reverse it was a bit of a challenge. He still stroked as sure as he could, the heel of his palm rolling over the head of Jared’s cock and smearing pre-come.

Jared's lips parted and he gasped out a small moan. _Much_ better than he'd ever thought. "You... I-" he gave up and just moaned again, fingers tightening once more on Jensen's cock and stroking slowly. Licking Jensen's mouth open Jared pressed him down onto the mattress both their hips thrusting to slide hard flesh through smooth palms and fingers. There was a shared rhythm, their moans tangling in the sliver of space between their bodies, their hearts racing to catch one another's.

It was a combination of everything that sent Jensen spiraling over the edge. The feel of Jared’s cock sliding through his palm, the man’s moans crashing into his, and Jared’s hand squeezing and stroking steadily over him. Jensen couldn’t breathe through the kiss but he didn’t care, he could forever savor the way Jared was half pressing him down into the mattress. And just like that his hips snapped up, all the air caught in his lungs, and Jensen tore back enough to moan out his lover’s name as his orgasm shook through him.

Jared's body was vibrating and he came the instant Jensen called out his name, because, _Jesus_ , that sound was the kind of thing that made his heart just about flip right over. He rode the crest of his pleasure, hips gyrating against Jensen's body as his lover's did the same. Panting softly against Jensen's ear he held on to the man, working him through the aftershocks. "Gorgeous," he whispered when he could finally speak.

Without waiting Jared dragged his mouth down Jensen's body until he could lap at the still warm release spared over his abs. Musky-sweet, Jared licked his way down his lover's body marveling at the way Jensen's muscles ripple under his gentle ministrations.

“God.” Jensen gasped and shifted on the mattress, lifting his head to stare down at Jared moving over him. It was so hot, making Jensen’s face flushed as he watched Jared cleaning away the last of his release. “Seriously? How did you get so hot?” He laughed softly and reached out to gently brush a hand through his hair.

Humming quietly Jared finally let his body drape across Jensen's and licked his lips as he looked up at him. "Just love you," he murmured. He studied Jensen's face, relieved to see no regret and used the last of his energy to kind of roll shuffle up closer. "Think you broke me," he muttered as he rolled to settle against Jensen's arm. "Never had such a hot boyfriend before." He snorted weakly. “Never had a boyfriend.”

“Yeah well, boyfriends are easier.” Jensen muttered and let his arms fall over Jared’s body. “Don’t gotta buy me flowers, but I won’t say no to chocolate.” He smiled and ran his nose through Jared’s hair. “Your parents gonna be okay with us?” He felt a little ridiculous asking this when his heart was still racing from his release but he didn’t like holding back the questions that popped up in his mind.

“My parents love you, you know that.” Jared smiled softly and stroked his fingers across Jensen’s cheek. “It will be fine. Meg’s gonna be thrilled.” He laughed softly remembering how Meg had teased him about how much time Jared spent with Jensen.

“Yeah, she probably will be.” Jensen matched Jared’s smile and turned into the man’s touch. “That was really good. Better than good.” He laughed softly and wet his lips. “We’re really gonna have to do more of this.”

Jared joined the laughter and rested his head on Jensen’s shoulder. “Must nap. I’m like a cat. Short bursts of energy - long naps - much cuddling.”

“Mmhmm, sure you are.” Jensen shifted back long enough to slip the blanket over them, gathering Jared up against his side. He could really get used to this, cuddling, touching each other constantly. “Love you Jared.” He murmured, arms slipping around Jared’s body and squeezing.

“I know,” Jared whispered. He chuckled half-heartedly and kissed Jensen’s cheek.

-=-=-=-=-

“Don’t laugh.” Jensen muttered and slid the truck into park, climbing out and walking around to wait for Jared. His eyes swept along the gravestones, familiar from so many years of walking quietly among them. “I know it’s weird, but just, appease me as you do. We’ll only be a few minutes.” He held his hand out for Jared, smiling softly at him.

Heading over Jared took Jensen’s hand and smiled down at him. “It’s not weird. I don’t think.” Jared wasn’t entirely sure what they were doing there but generally when Jensen thought something was odd - it either wasn’t, or it was just plain adorable.

“Well, this is a cemetery.” Jensen pointed out unnecessarily and shrugged. “My grandpa is buried here.” He smiled softly down at the ground as he led the way through the stones. For some reason he felt like he should let his grandpa “meet” Jared, considering the man was his _right one_ and that really only mattered to the grandfather he’d made the promise with. “I always try and stop by once when I’m in town, felt like you should come this time too.”

“Really?” Jared’s smile broadened. “Man, I sure wish I could have met him. He sounds like he was such a great guy.” Following along behind Jensen, he let his eyes move over all the gravestones. It was a peaceful place, just the sounds of the wind rustling through the leaves and their soft scuffing of their footsteps.

“He was.” Jensen nodded, smiling a little brighter. Leave it to his Jared to be this awesome, to just go along with this like it was no big deal. But then, Jensen was always giving him odd things to go along with. “You’re kind of amazing.” Jensen murmured, coming to in front of the gravestone marking his grandpa’s grave. “Here we are. Um, grandpa, this is Jared.” Jensen laughed and leaned against Jared’s shoulder. “Tell me I’m not ridiculous.”

“You’re not ridiculous,” Jared answered quickly. He looked down at the gravestone, weathered by time. “Can I talk to him too?” He whispered, as though someone might overhear them.

Lips rolling slowly together, Jensen squeezed Jared’s hand and dipped his head in a nod. “Yeah, go ahead.”

Jared cleared his throat and felt oddly nervous. He knew how important Jensen’s grandfather was to him. After squeezing Jensen's hand one more time, Jared pulled free and kneeled down by the grave. He started pulling up some of the small weeds and clearing away the grass near the stone. "Hi there, Sir. You don't know me, well, maybe you do - I don't know really how these things work but I just wanted you to know that I'm gonna take care of Jensen. Me and him? We're good together, you know? He's my _one_ , that person that I imagined I would spend my life with, loves more than anything - that person."

Glancing up at Jensen briefly, Jared smiled. "Anyway, I know that he promised you - that he'd wait - and I just wanted you to know that I respect that. And maybe. You know, the thing is. I’ve been waiting for the right time..." Jared stuck his hand in his pocket and hunted around then pulled out a small box. "I can't talk to you, Sir, but maybe you'll hear." Turning toward Jensen, Jared pulled a ring out of the box and held out his hand to take Jensen's. "Jensen? Will you marry me?"

For a few moments Jensen could only stare, eyes fluttering between the ring and Jared and the gravestone. “Are you proposing to me in a graveyard?” Jensen muttered and laughed softly, a little shocked, then nodded, laughter growing. “God, yeah. Of course I will. Way to totally catch me off guard with that.” He grinned and pulled at Jared. “Get up; I’m not staining these pants just to kiss you.”

“Bossy,” Jared muttered. But his heart was warm, his eyes locked on Jensen’s and, yeah, he felt all happy and maybe a little giddy but he didn’t have to admit that. He caught Jensen around the waist and tugged him in for a kiss. “You laughed at me,” he muttered against his boyfriend’s mouth.

“You proposed over my grandpa’s grave.” Jensen chuckled softly and slid his hand through Jared’s hair. “How long have you been carrying around that ring?”

“Not long. A few weeks. And I bet your Grandpa would have liked it! He would have said I had style.” Jared smiled and kissed Jensen again, brushing their lips together gently.

“He probably would have.” Jensen admitted and leaned forward so his head rested on Jared’s shoulders, his arms wrapping around him. “Thank you for being awesome.”

“So, about this wedding. I was thinking - one big bachelor party in Vegas. Maybe a wedding in Hawaii? Bring all our friends?” Jared grinned into Jensen’s hair.

“Given this a lot of thought huh?” Jensen laughed once more and stepped back, nodding up at Jared. “Sounds perfect. You got plans next week? I’m sure we could squeeze it in.” He smirked at Jared and held up his left hand. “And put the ring on like a good fiancé.”

Jared grinned and slid the ring on Jensen’s finger. “Well, I may have ticket reserved for two weeks from now. You know -there’s a filming hiatus. Jensen, I ... kinda kept something from you.” Jared’s lips were twitching as he tried not to grin.

“Two weeks?” Jensen repeated then shook his head, looking up at Jared once more. “What did you keep secret? Are you pregnant?” He joked, his way of dealing with so much at once.

“I already told my parents ... about us, well, about me I guess. They’re meeting us there, and I’ve arranged with your Mom and Dad. The sisters, the brothers..” Jared busted out laughing. “I can’t believe I managed to keep this a secret for so long.”

“Holy shit, how did you?” Jensen smacked Jared’s arm but grinned and stepped forward, arms latching over his shoulders. “So you really _are_ awesome.” Jensen was so shocked and excited about the whole thing it was almost maddening.

“Well, I’d be screwed if you’d said no. And, _God_ my mom would have beat me.” He laughed again and slid his arms tightly around Jensen, lifting him up a little. “So - it’s okay? You’ll come with? Josh and Jeff will be here next week for a Tuxedo fitting before they fly out.” Jared had tried to think of everything, make the whole thing kind of a whirlwind experience for Jensen.

“Are you kidding me? I can’t wait to have sex with you.” Jensen blinked a few times and stepped back. “And uh, get married. Which is obviously more important.” Jensen grinned and pushed up to kiss Jared, laughing into it a moment later. “Did you tell Kripke? Is he gonna freak the two stars of his show are going to be secretly married now?”

"Well, we talked about that. He says it's our life - but he asked if we would wait to be public until after the last four episodes of this season have aired." Jared shrugged. "I tried to think of everything. I even booked Chad into a separate Hotel so he can't sneak in and like destroy our room or something."

“You’re bringing Chad?” Jensen’s eyebrows arched, and he stepped back, capturing Jared’s hand and squeezing. “Guess you’ve thought of everything. You probably even have the wedding night planned hm?” Jensen was still a little thrown that all of this was really happening but _god_ it was amazing.

“No,” Jared said quietly. “That we just let happen, it’s for the two of us. We’ll get chocolate and some nice strawberries - stare out at the sun setting.” He smiled.

“Perfect.” Jensen murmured and leaned up to kiss Jared once more. For once in his life, it absolutely was.


End file.
